BOOKS AND RESOURCES
Good things to read, watch and listen to.
The guides on this site, a short list of books grouped by what's going on for you, and a few free channels I keep coming back to. You don't need any of it before a session, and none of it replaces talking to someone.
GUIDES ON THIS SITE
Start with what you recognise.
Each one explains a pattern from every side, with what tends to keep it going. Free, and written by me.
IF YOU ONLY READ ONE
Three good places to start.
The Drama of the Gifted Child
Alice Miller
A short book on children who learn to be what their parents need, and lose themselves doing it. Many readers say they saw themselves on the first page. It names the wound more than it shows the way out.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
Pete Walker
The book many survivors say finally explained them to themselves. It's where the ideas of the emotional flashback and the fawn response come from. Plain, practical, and written by someone who lived it.
Attached
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
The easiest way into attachment theory, with examples you'll recognise. Use it as a map, not a label: it's kinder to anxious readers than to avoidant ones.
BY WHAT'S GOING ON
Pick what fits right now.
Each with what readers actually get from it, and the catch where there is one.
When there's a side of you that you hide
Anger, envy, need, or a voice that never stops judging you.
Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark by Robert Augustus Masters
A guide to turning towards what you hide: shame, fear, anger. The parts you push down run you from underneath. Clear on spiritual bypassing, a little dry in places.
Jung's Map of the Soul by Murray Stein
A careful map of Jung's ideas, from the shadow to the Self, by an analyst who taught them for years. Dense at first, and the clearest companion to Jung's own writing.
Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson
A step-by-step way to work with your dreams and inner images. Readers come away able to read their own dreams. Go gently with the imagination exercises, which can stir up strong material.
Embracing Your Inner Critic by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
Treats the inner critic as a part of you that's trying to protect you, and shows how to talk to it instead of fighting it. Repetitive in places, but the shift stays with people.
When your body won't switch off
Always tense, always on guard, even when nothing is wrong.
In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine
From the founder of Somatic Experiencing: why the body holds on to fear long after the danger has gone, and how it settles. Moving for many readers. Dense, and built on clinical experience more than trials.
Face Your Fears by David Tolin
A step-by-step plan for anxiety, panic and phobias: stop avoiding what scares you, and let your body learn, a little at a time, that it can ride out the alarm. Practical and well grounded in research. It asks for real effort.
When the past still runs the present
Old family patterns, and shame that doesn't feel like yours.
The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
For the hurt that's hard to name: a mother who was there, but not really with you. Many readers say it made them feel less alone and less to blame. Go slowly, the early chapters can hurt.
The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
On children who learn to be what their parents need, and lose themselves doing it. Short, and it stays with you, though it puts almost everything down to parents.
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
Goes back through each stage of childhood to find what you missed, and give it to yourself now. Some exercises feel very 1990, but many readers say it changed their lives.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
For anyone who grew up on high alert. Written by a therapist who lived it, with tools you can use the same day. More lived experience than research.
Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw
Separates healthy shame from the toxic kind that says you are wrong as a person. That one distinction is what readers keep. Long, repetitive, and quite religious in places.
When relationships keep going the same way
Clinging, pulling away, or both, again and again.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Why some people cling, some pull away and some feel secure, with examples that are hard to forget. A good map, but don't use it to label your partner.
Love Me, Don't Leave Me by Michelle Skeen
A short workbook for the fear of being left: your triggers, the beliefs underneath, and what you do when they fire. Practical and clear, if basic for anyone who knows the field.
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
On the pull between someone who loves too much and someone who keeps away, and how each keeps the other going. Readers find it uncomfortably accurate. The addiction and twelve-step language won't suit everyone.
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
Why the closeness that makes love feel safe can quietly dull desire, and how couples keep both. Generous and non-judgemental. More ideas than steps.
When life feels heavy or empty
Fear of death, loss of meaning, or not knowing what it's all for.
Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom
A psychiatrist on the fear of death, through his patients' stories, and how facing it makes life feel more real. Warm, not grim. Philosophy and experience rather than research.
The Worm at the Core by Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg and Tom Pyszczynski
How the fear of death may shape what we buy, believe and hate. Gripping, but some of the key experiments have failed to repeat, so read it as a strong idea, not settled fact.
The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman
For people worn out by positive thinking: why chasing happiness backfires, and what the Stoics and Buddhists did instead. Funny and a relief. A tour, not a deep dive.
On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers
Essays from the founder of person-centred therapy on what changes when someone truly accepts you. Slow and repetitive, and home to a line many readers keep: “when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
When you need some stillness
Ways to stay with what's hard instead of running from it.
The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Buddha's core teachings, explained as things to practise rather than believe. Full of lists, so read it in small pieces, but readers say it changes how they live, not just what they know.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
Short talks for when life breaks: how to stay with fear and loss instead of running. Gentle and easy to dip into. It's about inner pain. If you're unsafe, safety comes first.
Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
Eighty-one short, strange chapters on softness and not forcing things. Read one and let it sit. Translations differ a lot: Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English for a first read, Red Pine for the notes.
When you keep making the same choices
Why you do what you do, even when you know better.
Behave by Robert Sapolsky
Why we do what we do, traced back from the last second to millions of years ago. Long, funny, and it changes how you judge people. A few studies it leans on haven't held up.
The Brain: The Story of You by David Eagleman
A short, clear tour of how your brain builds the world you live in. A good first book, and too light if you already know the field.
The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt
Ten old ideas about a good life, tested against modern psychology. The picture of the mind as a rider on an elephant stays with people. From 2006, so some of the science has moved on.
When people confuse you, or play you
Reading people, and seeing manipulation for what it is.
The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene
Envy, narcissism, the shadow, and the patterns behind how people really act, told through lives from history. Long, and more story than science. Once you see the patterns, you see them everywhere, in yourself too.
Influence by Robert Cialdini
The levers people pull to get a yes, so you notice when they're pulled on you. Some examples are dated and a few studies are disputed, but the core still holds.
A short list, on purpose. Start with whichever one made you stop scrolling.
FREE TO WATCH AND LISTEN
For when reading feels like too much.
Three channels I keep coming back to. Treat them as company, not homework.
Dr. K (HealthyGamerGG)
Dr. Alok Kanojia, a psychiatrist
The only one I've found who truly brings East and West together: psychiatry and psychology alongside meditation and the philosophy behind it. He keeps a scientific rigour while staying open about his own biases, which is rarer than it should be.
Watch on YouTubeTherapy in a Nutshell
Emma McAdam, a licensed therapist
Clear, free videos on anxiety, emotions and the body. Her courses are the real strength, on emotional regulation, anxiety and more, laid out step by step.
Watch on YouTubeAlan Watts
Old lectures, on the official channel
Philosophy, Zen, and the ways we tie ourselves in knots. His voice alone slows you down, and the ideas loosen things that thinking harder can't. Good for evenings when your mind won't stop.
Watch on YouTubeTalk first, or go straight in.
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WHAT THIS ISN'T
Not for a crisis. If you're in danger or thinking about ending your life, call your emergency number now: 112 in Europe, 911 in the US and Canada, 999 in the UK, or your country's local number.